Mein Menu, part 6: Yummy Chinese Restaurant

Summertime as a graduate student in Chemistry at Berkeley means one thing: significantly larger paychecks for two months. But it also means Chemistry league softball. Chemistry league softball is good. The philosophy of Chemistry league softball is cheap beer first, softball second. Chemistry league softball also involves possibly the most complicated ground rules of all time, due to being played on a field that is shaped kind of like an amoeba. Chemistry league softball also provides a few other important things, such as an excuse to leave work early during the summer, and an excuse to go out for dinner before the games.

For a while last summer, Craig, Joe Sweeney and I would go to Denny's before the games, believing it somehow provided us with luck. We soon realized this was a bad idea, so we started essentially picking places at random. Sometimes we would just drive down San Pablo until we saw somewhere that looked good. Often they weren't that good.

For the first game this season, Craig and I decide we need to go to Yummy Chinese Restaurant. I'd heard about it from Craig and Joe Batchelor who had found it once while randomly driving down San Pablo (non-Chemistry-league-softball-related). It earned such accolades as "Oh man... Yummy Chinese Restaurant" and "Dude... Yummy Chinese Restaurant." I knew I had to try it.

The place itself is pretty small, and seem to be frequented mainly by people of Chinese descent. It's located slightly north of El Cerrito Plaza on San Pablo. Joe Sweeney meets us there in his Mustang, and we get a table to check out the food. They seem to have a fairly standard selection of vittles. I, of course, head to the Chow Mein section of the menu, and order the combination Chow Mein. Craig and Joe try some more standard meat dishes.

The Chow Mein is pretty good, and the price is very reasonable. It's a fairly standard combination of chicken, beef, pork and shrimp plus the standard vegetables. Good sized portion too. Overall a good choice.

A few weeks later we have another game, so it's time to grab some food again. After much deliberation, we end up with a larger party including Nate, Dan and Tiffany as well as Craig and myself, and we end up being unable to decide where to go so we just start driving. After heading down Solano and subsequently up San Pablo for a while, we end up at Yummy Chinese Restaurant again. This time I read the menu a little more carefully, since I've already tried the chow mein. I notice, however, that there is a separate section entitled "Pasta" that includes a dish called "Hong Kong Style Chow Mein", apparently featuring twice fried noodles.

Intriguing.

Turns out it wasn't very tasty though. Tiffany tries some, and notes that the sauce has no taste. She is, unfortunately, correct. The noodles are OK, but the meat and vegetables are also a little lackluster. I would be remiss, however, to not point out that the potstkickers at Yummy Chinese Restaurant are excellent.

Besides, of all the things that Chemistry league softball is about -- beer, making fun of people's socks, Craig kicking up dirt, deciding which PhD has the best ass -- it is also about trying some food that might be terrible. And sometimes that food needs to be Chow Mein.

Chapter the Eighth, on How Andrea Manzo Left the HMS Fort Awesome and Nate Sheetz Joined the Crew

And so if came to pass that Andrea Manzo didst leave the HMS Fort Awesome for to becometh captain of a science frigate, which didst conduct research unto the mysteries of biology. "I hath learned much whilst sailing with thee and thy crew," Andrea Manzo spake to the Captain, "and now I doth set forth to seeketh knowledge on mine own." "Yon frigate be'est a fine vessel," Captain Waltorious replied, "and we all wish thee well in thine travels." "Aye, yon frigate shalt be a pleasure to sail," Andrea Manzo spake, "and it doth have yon Murphy Bed!" And so Andrea Manzo didst prepare to take her leave of the crew, and she didst promise to oft visit the HMS.

Ere leaving port, the crew of the HMS Fort Awesome didst put forth word that the ship didst seeketh a new sailor. Soon the Captain didst begin to receive much correspondence from hopefuls, for word hadst spread wide of the exploits of the HMS and her fine crew. "We must needs present the ship such as yon landlubbers hath never witnessed!" Aaron Esser-Kahn cried. And so the crew didst set about swabbing the decks and mending the sails, until the HMS didst look as fine as the day she set sail.

And so the hopeful sailors didst come to see the ship and meet her crew. The first didst seem competent at sea, and put forth a score of intelligent inquiries. "Art there places to tie fast mine skiff?" he didst ask. "How art rations handled? Lookout duties? Deck swabbing?" After he hadst toured the ship and seemed satisfied, he asked if the crew hadst any questions for him. The Captain, Dan Kelly, Aaron Esser-Kahn and CEO Craig Schwak didst exchange glances. "We hadst not really thought about that," the Captain spake. Aaron Esser-Kahn approached the sailor and spoke, "Look straight in mine eye, and answer this... doth thou love Jesus?"

The sailor didst appear ill at ease. Then the Captain spake, "But Aaron Esser-Kahn, thou art Jewish!" And so all didst laugh heartily. When the sailor hadst left, the Captain spake, "I think he may'est not wish to sail with us." "Mayhap we shouldst consider queries to put forth to yon sailors," Aaron Esser-Kahn replied. "'Tis a capital idea," CEO Craig Schwak didst agree.

And so the crew didst see more hopeful sailors, and wert ready to inquire as to their merits. "I hath used many substances which affect the mind, and doth walk everywhere without shoes!" one sailor cried. "Wouldst it be amiss if I didst bring a score of Brazilian martial artists aboard?" another asked. "I doth sit and watch yon television for all hours, and hopeth for crewmates to keep me company," a third spake. A fourth, known to those in the port only as JediPhresh, didst not even appear when he wast scheduled. "Be'eth there no decent sailors in yon port?" Dan Kelley didst ask. "We hath not yet seen a single one worthy of our fine vessel." "There is one more sailor who hath expressed interest," the Captain replied. "Let us see if she possesseth the merits we seek."

And so the last sailor didst come aboard, and wast most impressed by the vessel. "'Tis truly a fine vessel, Captain," she spake, "and thy crew art noble and skilled. I wonder if I might asketh Andrea Manzo about her experience sailing with thee?" It so happened that Andrea Manzo wast on board, overseeing the transfer of her cargo to yon frigate, and the Captain didist grant the sailor's request forthwith. Whilst she conversed with Andrea Manzo, the Captain didst consult his crew. "She is by far the best of yon lot," Aaron Esser-Kahn spake, "I think we shouldst offer her the position." Captain Waltorious looked to the other members of the crew. "She seemeth most cool," Keith Lawler noted. "Aye, she wouldst do," Dan Kelly spake. And so, when the sailor didst return to deck, the Captain spake, "Thou art clearly most qualified of those we have seen, and we wouldst be honored to have thee sail with us." The sailor wast taken aback. "I am honored by thine offer, Captain," she spake, "but I must have time to consider." "But of course," the Captain replied.

When the sailor hadst taken her leave, the crew didst inquire as to what she hadst spoken of to Andrea Manzo. "She didst want to know what 'tis like to be the only female in thine crew," Andrea Manzo said to the Captain. The crew wast quiet. Then Aaron Esser-Kahn spake, "This doth not bode well."

Sure enough, on the morn the Captain didst receive a letter from the sailor, which didst indicate the she declineth the offer to sail. "Now what shall we do?" Keith Lawler asked. But Aaron Esser-Kahn didst emerge from his cabin with a letter of his own. "I hath just received correspondence from mine friend Nate Sheetz!" he cried. "He doth wish to sail with us!" "But doth he not work in port?" CEO Craig Schwak inquired. "'Tis true that Nate Sheetz doth restore ancient graphical artifacts in port, but he canst do much of it aboard the ship," Aaron Esser-Kahn replied. "And he canst take his Le Sabre luxury sloop ashore when he doth require it." Nate Sheetz wast a member of the Tribe of Caltech and hadst visited the HMS Fort Awesome many times, and hadst a rapport with the crew. "'Twould be most excellent if Nate Sheetz couldst sail with us!" the Captain didst cry.

And so Nate Sheetz commissioned a small tug to bringeth aboard his effects, whilst the crew set to provisioning the HMS. When all wast in readiness, the crew prepared to set sail once more to probe the mysteries of the deep. Andrea Manzo wast true to her word and didst oft visit the crew when her frigate wast near, and Nate Sheetz didst prove a most valuable crewman, with great knowledge of the ancient Consoles, Computers, and Televisions that the crew hadst collected in their travels. Soon the tales of his great wisdom hadst grown to rival those of the rest of the crew, and the songs of Andrea Manzo's great discoveries wert sung far and wide. But it wast not for glory that they sailed, but the pursuit of knowledge and understanding, of which there wast ever more to seek. And so the HMS Fort Awesome sailed on, into the great oceans, where none hadst sailed before.

Except for that one guy.