Chapter the Eighth, on How Andrea Manzo Left the HMS Fort Awesome and Nate Sheetz Joined the Crew

And so if came to pass that Andrea Manzo didst leave the HMS Fort Awesome for to becometh captain of a science frigate, which didst conduct research unto the mysteries of biology. "I hath learned much whilst sailing with thee and thy crew," Andrea Manzo spake to the Captain, "and now I doth set forth to seeketh knowledge on mine own." "Yon frigate be'est a fine vessel," Captain Waltorious replied, "and we all wish thee well in thine travels." "Aye, yon frigate shalt be a pleasure to sail," Andrea Manzo spake, "and it doth have yon Murphy Bed!" And so Andrea Manzo didst prepare to take her leave of the crew, and she didst promise to oft visit the HMS.

Ere leaving port, the crew of the HMS Fort Awesome didst put forth word that the ship didst seeketh a new sailor. Soon the Captain didst begin to receive much correspondence from hopefuls, for word hadst spread wide of the exploits of the HMS and her fine crew. "We must needs present the ship such as yon landlubbers hath never witnessed!" Aaron Esser-Kahn cried. And so the crew didst set about swabbing the decks and mending the sails, until the HMS didst look as fine as the day she set sail.

And so the hopeful sailors didst come to see the ship and meet her crew. The first didst seem competent at sea, and put forth a score of intelligent inquiries. "Art there places to tie fast mine skiff?" he didst ask. "How art rations handled? Lookout duties? Deck swabbing?" After he hadst toured the ship and seemed satisfied, he asked if the crew hadst any questions for him. The Captain, Dan Kelly, Aaron Esser-Kahn and CEO Craig Schwak didst exchange glances. "We hadst not really thought about that," the Captain spake. Aaron Esser-Kahn approached the sailor and spoke, "Look straight in mine eye, and answer this... doth thou love Jesus?"

The sailor didst appear ill at ease. Then the Captain spake, "But Aaron Esser-Kahn, thou art Jewish!" And so all didst laugh heartily. When the sailor hadst left, the Captain spake, "I think he may'est not wish to sail with us." "Mayhap we shouldst consider queries to put forth to yon sailors," Aaron Esser-Kahn replied. "'Tis a capital idea," CEO Craig Schwak didst agree.

And so the crew didst see more hopeful sailors, and wert ready to inquire as to their merits. "I hath used many substances which affect the mind, and doth walk everywhere without shoes!" one sailor cried. "Wouldst it be amiss if I didst bring a score of Brazilian martial artists aboard?" another asked. "I doth sit and watch yon television for all hours, and hopeth for crewmates to keep me company," a third spake. A fourth, known to those in the port only as JediPhresh, didst not even appear when he wast scheduled. "Be'eth there no decent sailors in yon port?" Dan Kelley didst ask. "We hath not yet seen a single one worthy of our fine vessel." "There is one more sailor who hath expressed interest," the Captain replied. "Let us see if she possesseth the merits we seek."

And so the last sailor didst come aboard, and wast most impressed by the vessel. "'Tis truly a fine vessel, Captain," she spake, "and thy crew art noble and skilled. I wonder if I might asketh Andrea Manzo about her experience sailing with thee?" It so happened that Andrea Manzo wast on board, overseeing the transfer of her cargo to yon frigate, and the Captain didist grant the sailor's request forthwith. Whilst she conversed with Andrea Manzo, the Captain didst consult his crew. "She is by far the best of yon lot," Aaron Esser-Kahn spake, "I think we shouldst offer her the position." Captain Waltorious looked to the other members of the crew. "She seemeth most cool," Keith Lawler noted. "Aye, she wouldst do," Dan Kelly spake. And so, when the sailor didst return to deck, the Captain spake, "Thou art clearly most qualified of those we have seen, and we wouldst be honored to have thee sail with us." The sailor wast taken aback. "I am honored by thine offer, Captain," she spake, "but I must have time to consider." "But of course," the Captain replied.

When the sailor hadst taken her leave, the crew didst inquire as to what she hadst spoken of to Andrea Manzo. "She didst want to know what 'tis like to be the only female in thine crew," Andrea Manzo said to the Captain. The crew wast quiet. Then Aaron Esser-Kahn spake, "This doth not bode well."

Sure enough, on the morn the Captain didst receive a letter from the sailor, which didst indicate the she declineth the offer to sail. "Now what shall we do?" Keith Lawler asked. But Aaron Esser-Kahn didst emerge from his cabin with a letter of his own. "I hath just received correspondence from mine friend Nate Sheetz!" he cried. "He doth wish to sail with us!" "But doth he not work in port?" CEO Craig Schwak inquired. "'Tis true that Nate Sheetz doth restore ancient graphical artifacts in port, but he canst do much of it aboard the ship," Aaron Esser-Kahn replied. "And he canst take his Le Sabre luxury sloop ashore when he doth require it." Nate Sheetz wast a member of the Tribe of Caltech and hadst visited the HMS Fort Awesome many times, and hadst a rapport with the crew. "'Twould be most excellent if Nate Sheetz couldst sail with us!" the Captain didst cry.

And so Nate Sheetz commissioned a small tug to bringeth aboard his effects, whilst the crew set to provisioning the HMS. When all wast in readiness, the crew prepared to set sail once more to probe the mysteries of the deep. Andrea Manzo wast true to her word and didst oft visit the crew when her frigate wast near, and Nate Sheetz didst prove a most valuable crewman, with great knowledge of the ancient Consoles, Computers, and Televisions that the crew hadst collected in their travels. Soon the tales of his great wisdom hadst grown to rival those of the rest of the crew, and the songs of Andrea Manzo's great discoveries wert sung far and wide. But it wast not for glory that they sailed, but the pursuit of knowledge and understanding, of which there wast ever more to seek. And so the HMS Fort Awesome sailed on, into the great oceans, where none hadst sailed before.

Except for that one guy.